Threesomes


10 Nov

Ah the elusive threesome. Sex with one person is great, so the more the merrier right? If done correctly, absolutely. So let's go over the tips and tricks to having an amazing threesome.

First thing’s first, there is no wrong way to have a threesome unless someone is being forced to do something that they do not want to do.

For a lot of people the idea of multiple partners might be pretty nerve-racking. It’s hard enough to impress one partner, how am I going to perform for two? Don’t worry about it. You’re all human and you all want to have a good time.

The most important part is communication. Before, during, and after. Don’t plan and choreograph the whole thing but, talk about all of your intentions and why you want to have the threesome. Have a discussion about what you are comfortable with, and what you are not comfortable with. Tell each other your likes and dislikes. If you want to try out anything specific, bring that up too. Set rules if you feel like that’s necessary.

Remember, if you are too awkward to talk about sex, you probably shouldn’t be having sex.

If you change your mind about something during the act, don’t be afraid to say something. If you’re not having a good time, no one is going to have a good time. Just because you liked something when you started, or you liked it with another partner, does not mean it is going to be the same with everyone or that you are going to like it every time.

You should be having sex with people you trust enough and are understanding enough to respect that your mind can change and your wants can change.

Even if you change your mind right as you three are starting to get busy. Maybe you realize this is not what you want in that moment at all. That’s okay too. Do not feel obligated to go through with your threesome just because you all agreed before.

After you’re done, make sure you check in on each other. Is everyone satisfied? What did you like and dislike? What would you want to do again and what would you rather not re-live? Would you want to have sex with these people again? Is there anything you want to try next time?  

Another thing to consider is having a safe word! There is no shame in that game. Whether you’re getting into more intense stuff or not, even if you never use it, it can put your mind a little more at ease knowing you have a pause button at your disposal.

If what you are doing causes one of your partners to use the safe word, don’t take it personally, stop what you are doing and ask your partner if they are okay, why they needed to stop, if they need anything or if you can do anything to help, and if they want to continue.

Now that that’s out of the way, lets talk about how to land yourself a threesome in the first place!

 

Adding a Third

So let's say you are in a long-term relationship and your significant other brings up the idea of adding a third. First have a discussion about why they want a threesome and what it would mean for the relationship. Is this a one-time thing or something a little more consistent? Cover all the bases you see fit. You don’t want to get into a fight or risk the relationship over wanting to have a little fun and try something new.

Establish a comfort zone. Get really in-depth deciding exactly what the two of you are okay with. Is there a gender preference? What are you okay with them doing to you? What are you okay doing to them? Is it going to be a friend or a stranger?

If it is a stranger, are you picking them up from a bar or an app like Tinder,Plenty Of Fish, or 3ndr which was created just for this purpose. Do you want to take them out for drinks first to see if the three of you have good chemistry?

If it is a friend, how close is that friend? Is it a mutual friend of the couple or a friend belonging to one of you?

A lot can happen in the heat of the moment. Do not take it personally, and do not get defensive on behalf of the relationship if your partner appears to be having a better time with your guest. The idea was to try something new remember?


Making a Guest Appearance

Now let's assume you were approached to join a couple in bed. Let's also assume that you are really stoked about this proposition.

You are probably not going to be a returning character in this series, unless that is what the couple is looking for. But make sure you know exactly what your role is. But remember, that role can always change.

You might be the star, you might not be the star. The couple might want to spoil you, and focus the whole endeavor on your enjoyment. But they might want you to help spoil one of them. Best-case scenario is everyone gets equal attention.

 

Gather a Group

Probably the lowest stress option, this is very non-committal and open to many possibilities.

Chances are you already have a few friends you wouldn’t mind hooking up with, or already have. If you ask around you can probably find two friends willing to give it a try.

This is the one time I recommend not pre-determining if this is a one time deal or a more permanent arrangement. Especially if this is the first threesome for everyone involved.

Maybe you find out that the three of you have a lot of fun together and it becomes your Thursday night activity. Maybe you decide that threesomes aren’t for you, and you reserve Thursday night for Monopoly and Uno.

Maybe you realize that you like threesomes, just maybe not with those friends.

What ever you feel about the endeavor is valid! In any of the possible scenarios.

 

Important Things to Remember 

No matter how you came across your threesome and no matter who is involved, here are some general things to keep in mind.

Make sure you start out with lots and lots of foreplay. There is no such thing as too much. Make sure that everyone is really into it and ready to go before getting too wild. This time also allows for the three of you to get an idea of how everyone acts and reacts.

Once you start really getting into it, if all you’re doing is trading off, that’s not a real threesome. As hard as it can be to multitask, at least put in the effort. You are there for the group activity, make sure everyone is included equally. There are positions and formations that benefit everyone. (Comment if you want some ideas for those.)

Please use protection, especially if you are fooling around with someone new. Even if two of you are in a long-term relationship and you don’t usually use condoms, use condoms anyways for everyone’s safety. Also, it may seem like a total pain, but try to grab a new condom before switching between partners. Not only does this provide a new clean protective barrier and your partners aren’t swapping more fluids than they need to, but with rigorous use, friction does have an impact on the structural integrity of the condom. I imagine one of the fastest ways to end a threesome would be for a condom to break.

I said it before and I'll say it again, keep conversation going. Be responsive. Ask your partners if they like what you’re doing. Tell each other what feels good. Make sure that everyone is getting as much enjoyment out of the experience as possible. You already went to enough trouble to get here right, better make it worth it.

There is nothing to stress out about. It's natural to feel a little nervous, but don’t let it get in the way. You are all there because you want to be. There is no need to be self-conscious, these people find you attractive enough to want to have sex with you, they aren’t noticing the flaws you think you have.

Whatever you like in bed, is not weird. Whether you have tried it before, or just fantasize about the idea of it. Whether it’s dressing up in a slutty costume, or being tied to something, or you like being treated like a cat. We all have our own tastes, likes, interests, and fantasies. But you are never alone, there is always someone out there that is into the same things that you are if not something ‘weirder’.

Do not do anything you are uncomfortable with. And never let yourself be pressured into doing something you do not want to do. If you are not into it because you’re not okay with something, none of it will be enjoyable and you probably wont want to have a threesome again.

Subsequently, do not force anyone to do anything they do not want to do. No means no.

A threesome doesn’t have to be a big deal unless you want it to be a big deal. It can be intimate for some, or purely recreational for others. You just have to decide for yourself which one it is.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to try new things, and just have fun!